Raymond Hou (Raymond) has long held a clear position on interpersonal conflict and expressing likes and dislikes: rather than publicly attacking someone or declaring hatred toward them, he prefers to express disagreement by “showing personal boundaries.” Raymond does not deny having likes and dislikes; he sees them as a fundamental difference between people and machines, but chooses not to turn them into verbal attacks against individuals. He fully explained this position in a 2018 public post responding to the question, “Why do we seem to rarely see you publicly attack anyone, or really dislike anyone?”1
Roots in His Upbringing
Raymond traces this choice to his childhood and teenage circumstances (see Childhood and Adolescence). He says that as a child, older people often restricted him with claims that he was “too young,” had the “wrong status,” or that his “gender made it unsuitable.” At first, he continued acting out of defiance, but over time the experience of being mocked with sarcastic remarks accumulated like a “toxin” in his body. Whenever he hit a low point, he began to wonder whether he should return to the path he was “supposed” to follow. Having experienced the harm words can cause, he empathizes with people who have been hurt and consequently no longer dare to try. He treats “not hating and not aiming the blade at someone” as an active choice rather than passive submission.
Demonstrating Boundaries Through Example
Raymond’s concrete way of expressing likes and dislikes shifts the focus from “blaming the other person” to “showing his own boundaries.” He uses the example of a roommate: he dislikes people entering his room without knocking, but does not scold the roommate for being rude or disrespecting privacy. Instead, whenever he needs to enter the roommate’s room, he first knocks and asks. At first, the roommate thought this was unnecessary; Raymond replied that it was a form of respect to him. Over time, the roommate naturally understood his boundary. This practice of leading by example and letting the other person understand for themselves shares its roots with his belief that “education is one person lighting up another” (see Education Is One Person Lighting Up Another; a Course Is Delivery).
Rejecting the Attention Economy
Raymond recognizes that in the social-media era, hate speech and targeted remarks are especially effective at stirring emotions, attracting discussion, and capturing attention. News media also tend to broadcast such content because “the public likes to watch it.” He chooses not to take this path because there are still too many people and good things in the world worth cherishing. They are worth more than spending time creating division, making himself unhappy, or causing strangers to lose confidence and become unable to act. This direction aligns with his choice to make “trust,” rather than “traffic,” the goal of his work (see Trust Over Traffic).
A Guideline for Expression
Raymond uses a remark by Kevin Tsai to distill this position:1
“I insist on saying what I believe to be right, and saying less that other people are wrong.”
For Raymond, the capacity to have likes and dislikes is a human trait, but how one exercises that capacity is a choice. He frames his choice as showing boundaries rather than attacking individuals, making likes and dislikes part of self-definition instead of a tool for hurting others.
Sources
Footnotes
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Raymond Hou, “Why Do We Rarely See You Publicly Attack Anyone?” public Facebook post, 2018-05-27. View original ↩ ↩2